Poem 9

I’ll respect you more if you can tell me exactly how you feel .
when you be all up in my guts but still giving me them soft kisses in between killing my shit.. That’s my favorite. 
But, it don’t mean nothing if you cannot claim your spot in this.
 Stop sleeping on me.
 Just for once ? 
Stop sleeping on me because just for once you finally found a girl who has your best interest at heart & wants nothing more but to make you happy. 
That shits so raw, i mean damn... like rare.
 And I’m still trynna heal from things that i don’t talk about. But the back and forth shit is ridiculous, this going at it shit. It’s causing distance.
 So, i need one thing. I need you to open up and let me know how you really feel.
 Because when you drowning it , my head is clouded with it and i don’t seem to want nothing or nobody else but you . But if this isn’t working and you only sticking around to get what you want then there is nothing left i can say. Imma just need to walk away....
But walking away with nothing when I already invested so much?
 This isn’t a game and I know that there’s no trust... on both ends because well damn... that\"s just us.
 Because I already know you fucking on her, she, them I did my dues too because I already told you I’m not gonna be like the rest and stick around because you said too.
 But, to say I don’t love you ... that’s not the honest truth.

I be praying for God to forgive me because I be acting like a damn fool when it comes to you. You got me so fucked up in the head I don’t know what to do. 

I try and try with you but I fell so in love with you and I’m trynna live without you but I’m stuck within you. I lost my self in you but there’s no more being with you cuz all I do when I’m with you is hurt myself more being with you... if you want me to be honest....

I can’t lose me in you , I know you want me to lose me in you , but I rather lose me and you before I go lose me in you... Something that your not use to.

 Being honest... I think I lost me in you when I found you deep In me, I thought there could be just a me with you. 

But nope . At least I’m being honest .

 So how do you feel ? Zoning me out because you don’t really feel or you feel too much ?

 Is this shit causing a fuss ? Is your mind so conflicted it may bust?

 Because ... yeah ... me too. 

But I need you . 

Can you just man up and do what you need to do ?

 Although I know there’s no us. But what’s the issue ? You knew what we been up to . 

So there’s really not an issue you just seem to refuse and okay that\"s cool. okay I get it . But I’m not just one of your bitches . Do you get it ?

 I love you ... well did... but I fell for you and maybe I fucked up with that ... okay well did . But don’t turn this all around like I’m just a clown and there was no meaning to all of this ... just to be honest.

This is a letter to you ... 
Of course I’m hurt part two didn’t send out a trigger in you and that’s nothing new but we have deeper news and I don’t know if it means something to you. But to me, you do.
 and I’m feeling kinda blue a little under the weather and I’m writing this letter to you. 
You’re now my Tbt I told you good & well I’d do the next nigga how you did me ... and sheesh. 
You was right about me... 
some day I’d make the right nigga happy.
 thank God he wasn’t you.
But, My eyes their blue ... bawling out tears from the pain that you caused boo. 
Of course if I’m hurt. 
I got a good nigga who sticks through the worst and your My worst ... a battle for eternity, eternally bleeding and asking for morality. 
God is my witness when I say death is the only option.
 A heartbreak from you was never supposed to be part of my project. 
And I’m scared ... I’ll openly admit that.
 Loving on the next nigga stings more than what you did, that’s facts. 
Of course I’m hurt and your to blame I have a new nigga and he’s more than just great. I have a new nigga who loves me at my worst and the worst thing is my hearts so numb and I feel dumb cuz ion know how to love back... 
and this is me being honest...

~TheGxldenAsia