The Shit I Don’t Say Pt2

Damn … 

Emotionally I’m lost as fuck .

But you always wished me the best of luck .

So while I’m out on my path to exploring the world as just an average girl imma hold on to all those trusted talks . 

And please don’t ask me if I’m okay? 

Cuz I’ll just have to turn the other way , 

Face down with a frown hoping that these tears don’t slip down cuz no one cares what I truly have to say . 

   I fell in love with the way you touched me .

And , no not on a physical . 

You got more of me than just my physical and my mental that shit is super dope . 

It honestly surprises me when I can hold an intelligent conversation with the opposite sex . Not because their dumb , but because I’m only hit by boys who lust rather than love … 

Boys who wanna quick nut … 

My looks ? Got damn baby ! my looks .

 Of course I’d have the boys shook ! 

but ,can you notice ME for once ? Or am I asking too much ? 

This .

This is it . 

This is the shit that I don’t say because I don’t know how anybody can intake the feelings , the emotions , all my anger ! 

how do you feel ?!

because I feel like a disgrace . And that’s the shit I don’t say … 

What if I can’t forget you ? 

I remember right before you left the school … you told me that I’d forget and this was all just a misunderstanding but was my innocence a misunderstanding to ? 

Nah , nobody ever got to really hear my part . That boy he took me ! held my arms apart . And on that gym table he laid my body across and the cameras ? I didn’t know that part .!

So when you exposed me on that on page 

Had everyone laughing and I didn’t wanna show face 

Tell them the part where it wasn’t wanted , you just always up to something , I was the one girl in school that barely seen your face , so you slid in mine and tried to take a taste .

Pardon me … this is just the shit that I don’t say .

Everyone around me is glowing and smiling while I’m in this house silently dying . 22 with no thoughts of going to heaven . I’m a mouse in this house filled with snakes giving my body a taste of their venom . The snakes are unaware that their serum is likely to cause their demise . Surprise ! 

The poison affects the mouse’s brain , the rat will go insane . Chewing , slashing , and clawing … gnawing ; on the snakes who fed him the venom . He will continue to act out until there’s no more life left in ‘em  . Laughing at the snakes who tried to take his life away , they are all going to hell today … 

I always think of you before I fall

asleep . The words you said , the way

you looked . The things we laughed

about , the silent moments we shared .

And when I dream , I'll dream of you . 

Because it's about you , it's always

about you . 

And I'm that person who absorbs grief and gives love for free , But this soul of mine is getting weak as people are giving no value to me , and I promise to remain the same as there might be some people who need me , For my soul is waiting for these words-

             "I'm all ears , lets sit and listen to your grief as you must be filled by now and would ofcourse be deprived of love as you never asked for it from anyone". 

Honestly , I hold a lot in . When I’m upset , I don’t really get to talking. That pen and paper I get to calling . And I’m all in . 

Words splat 

But I’m numb to the pain . 

I write this shit so y’all don’t feel this way … 

The shit that I don’t say is the reason why I lead y’all to be these self made bosses cuz I did it and mine came with losses … 

So please hear me out about the shit that I don’t say . 

-Asia ❤️✍🏽